Many restaurant menus have a secret side 鈥� a hidden set of entrees, sides and whatnot.
You鈥檝e probably never heard of the Burritodilla (Chipotle). Or the Suicide Burger (Burger King). Or the Land, Sea and Air Burger (McDonald鈥檚).
Or heck, maybe you have. Secret menus are not that secret. Some stumble upon secret menu items online; others learn about them through word-of-mouth. Per the , why the items stay hidden is a marketing matter. Their appeal is thought to be limited, so it doesn鈥檛 justify the cost of introducing and promoting them.
Yours Truly reached out to a few local businesses to gain more insight. But as we all know, you can’t spell “Doesn’t Call Back” without the letters “D.C.” The mystery endures.
Fortunately, you don鈥檛 need security clearance to learn what’s on secret menus.
Below is a lovingly aggregated collection of choice secret menu items. Some secret menus are longer than you’d expect, which is why links are provided if you want to explore more.
One last thing: Have the recipe ready to share when you order, because there鈥檚 a chance they won’t know what you鈥檙e talking about. In some cases, you might have to order multiple things and assemble it yourself. Such is life.
DOUBLE GRILLED CHEESE BURGER. A double cheeseburger, with two grilled-cheese sandwiches doing the work of the bun. You might need to spell it out for whichever one of the five guys is taking orders that day. Tweet a picture of it before you dig in, and tag the Center for Science in the Public Interest.
CHIP BUTTY. Assemble your own U.S. version of a brilliant U.K. after-bar classic. It鈥檚 basically a small order of fries inside of an untoasted bun. Add ketchup or malt vinegar, and Bob鈥檚 your uncle.
LITTLE BACON CHEESEBURGER BOWL. Inspired by the classic children鈥檚 book of the same name, this dish forgoes the carbs. Simply order a little bacon cheeseburger with pickles, grilled onions, green peppers, mayo and mustard. Lose the bun, then add hot sauce if you feel so inclined.
PATTY MELT. Order a grilled cheese with (at least) one patty. While it鈥檚 not the conventional patty melt with caramelized onions and Swiss cheese, you do maintain the flexibility to customize with various toppings.
鈥淭HE ARTERY ANNIHILATOR.鈥� It鈥檚 a bacon cheeseburger with a bacon hot dog cut in half and placed atop it. A great way to impress her on that first date.
STEAK FRITES. A decidedly blue collar take on the French staple. Order fries with a bunless burger that鈥檚 been topped with A1 steak sauce. A great way to impress her if she agrees to a second date.
SLOPPY JOE. If you鈥檙e among the 0.1% of Americans who craves a sloppy joe, here鈥檚 a way to get the flavor profile without the unconstructed mess. Order a burger and top with it with聽grilled green peppers and onions, along with barbecue sauce and ketchup.
PEANUT BUTTER BACON BURGER. On the street, it鈥檚 known as a Bacon Shack Burger served with peanut sauce. You鈥檒l need to supply your own strawberry preserves to truly top it off properly.
ICE CREAM SANDWICH. Some assembly required. Get a scoop of ice cream with a toasted bun on the side. Add scoop to the bun. It鈥檚 messy, so you鈥檒l need to put it on speakerphone when you tell your personal trainer you can鈥檛 make it to the gym.
QUAD BURGER. Yep. Four patties on this big boy, which can be customized per your appetite. Don鈥檛 forget the fries.
GRILLED CHEESE. There’s widespread online acclaim for this entry. It鈥檚 amazing what a little butter and griddle time will do to the simplest of dishes. Adding bacon is said to be, understandably, a popular modification.
CHILI PEPPER CHEESE FRIES. These are fries with chili peppers and cheese on top.
CHEESE DOG: It鈥檚 a hot dog split down the middle, with cheese sauce poured on top for you health nuts out there.
LAND, SEA AND AIR BURGER. It鈥檚 a , comprising processed animal protein from the land (two McDouble patties), sea (Filet-o-Fish square) and air (McChicken)! If they give you a blank look when you order it, order the components and build your own with appropriate sound effects.
CHICKEN McGRIDDLE. Deep fried chicken sandwiched inside the McGriddle鈥檚 weird pancake-tasting bun thing. Add cheese, bacon and/or egg to it if you don鈥檛 plan to be eating for another day or so.
BIG MAC 鈥楴鈥� CHEESE. A pretty sad vegetarian option. Long story short, it鈥檚 a Big Mac minus the meat. Downside here is no plant-based protein substitute. Worse, you鈥檙e still paying full price for a Big Mac, but at least it鈥檚 fun to yell it out when you order at the drive-thru.
MONSTER MAC. Ronald McDonald , when he came up with 鈥� a Big Mac with eight patties? It鈥檚 aliiiiiiive!
DENALI MAC. This Big Mac variant is built around two quarter-pounder patties. Do the math: That鈥檚 a half-pound of meat. And it is perfectly normal to eat a half-pound of meat in one sitting. Named after the tallest peak in North America, it鈥檚 actually on the official menu in Alaska.
THE Mc1035. A tribute to that magical time of the morning when McDonald鈥檚 transitions from breakfast to lunch/dinner. (Some breakfast items are available all day now.) It鈥檚 a combination of the Egg McMuffin and a McDouble. Transfer the beef from the burger to the McMuffin, and that鈥檚 it. What do you do with the rest of the McDouble? Ummm 鈥� trade it back for store credit? Sell it to a pawnshop? Call a hazmat team?
THE APPLE PIE McFLURRY. Ask them to add a baked apple pie to your McFlurry ice cream thing. If they don鈥檛, DIY, then write a stern letter to Mayor McCheese.
RED EYE. Drip coffee with an added shot of espresso. You can order it with yet another shot of espresso and get a BLACK EYE. Is that too much caffeine? Well, as a former newspaper guy, Yours Truly can proclaim it was barely enough.
GREEN EYE. You mean there鈥檚 a variant with a THIRD shot of espresso?! Why didn’t we know about this sooner?
LIQUID COCAINE. Four shots of espresso, served with four pumps of white chocolate syrup over ice. OK, that鈥檚 just overkill.
PUMPKIN CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE FRAPPUCCINO. Only available during pumpkin spice season. (Which begins when? Like Labor Day now?) Pumpkin Spice Cr猫me Frappuccino, with cinnamon syrup, mocha sauce and java chips.
THREE C鈥橲 LATTE. A Cinnamon Dolce Latte with mocha and caramel syrup added. Anything with caramel is never bad, so no critique is necessary here.
CARAMEL SNICKERDOODLE MACCHIATO. Oh, hi there. Iced Soy Macchiato served upside down (i.e., espresso is poured last), with vanilla and cinnamon syrup.
COUNT CHOCULA FRAPPUCCINO. Disclosure: Yours Truly is a proud, unpaid brand advocate for Count Chocula. He’s a dude who gets nourishment not from blood, but from his marshmallow-laden namesake. And he鈥檚 no weirdo like that Cocoa Puffs bird. The drink: whole milk with vanilla bean powder, marshmallow and mocha syrups, whipped cream and mocha drizzle.
BURRITODILLA. You鈥檙e probably thinking to yourself, 鈥淗ey, this sounds like a potential hybrid of burrito and quesadilla.鈥� Right you are. Best description of it is a quesadilla with half the contents of a burrito, but more cheese. Then it鈥檚 folded closed.
QUESARITO. Take a burrito, then wrap a quesadilla around it. Then keep the Maalox handy. Perfect for when you鈥檙e trying to impress a would-be client.
DOUBLE-WRAPPED BURRITO. It鈥檚 a burrito with an extra tortilla wrapped around it 鈥� ya know, for when it鈥檚 cold outside. And unlike a lot of secret menu items, this option reportedly doesn鈥檛 cost any extra.
THE INCREDIBLE HULK BURRITO. Substitute guacamole for cheese sauce in this variant of the Five-Layer Burrito. Another version, THE HULK, adds guac to a Bean-and-Cheese Burrito. Safe to say guac is the consistent here. If it smashes your appetite, you did it right.
THE CHEESARITO. Rolled-up tortilla containing melted cheese, scallions and taco sauce. Really not sure what to think. A polite 鈥渘o鈥� for now.
CHILI CHEESE BURRITO. Not much more to it than a tortilla, cheese and chili. Despite the simplicity, it sounds like it鈥檚 worth the mess. That combination works with just about anything else on the Bell鈥檚 official menu, too.
DOUBLE-GRILLED QUESADILLA. It is what it is. The result is a crispier exterior to go along with the interior goo.
THE SUPERMAN BURRITO. Look! Up in the sky! It鈥檚 a Cheesy Double Beef Burrito loaded with extra potatoes, sour cream, guac and tortilla strips 鈥� and an infringement of Warner Bros.鈥� intellectual property!
