WASHINGTON 鈥� One in eight couples deals with infertility, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
It鈥檚 a sensitive issue that is difficult enough to deal with without awkward questions and comments from friends, family and even strangers.
As National Infertility Awareness Week approaches (April 23鈥�29), some experts have suggestions for handling these difficulties, both for would-be parents and for the people who know them.
Relationship expert Andrea Syrtash said it鈥檚 all too common for women who aren鈥檛 getting pregnant to receive unsolicited advice 鈥� e.g., increasing wheatgrass consumption, relaxing, thinking positively etc.
鈥淚t鈥檚 a really hurtful thing to say to someone who is on the infertility journey, because you鈥檙e essentially saying, 鈥楾his might be your fault,鈥� and it鈥檚 really not,鈥� said Syrtash, who is also editor-in-chief of The relationship site helps singles, couples and LGBT people navigate the personal and practical parts of infertility and fertility treatments.
Another hurtful question聽for those on the journey include the question, 鈥淲hy don鈥檛 you just adopt?鈥�
鈥淎s if that鈥檚 an easy process,鈥� said Syrtash. 鈥淭hat is wrought with tons of issues. 鈥� Adoption is a wonderful avenue for so many people, but it鈥檚 certainly not an easy avenue. It鈥檚 not an easier avenue by any stretch.鈥�
And questions like, 鈥淎re you pregnant?鈥� 鈥淒o you want to be pregnant?鈥� and 鈥淒on鈥檛 you want to have children?鈥� can be especially hurtful, said Thomas 鈥淢r. Manners鈥� Farley, an etiquette expert at
鈥淚 don鈥檛 think the people asking the questions typically are doing it to be rude,鈥� he said. 鈥淭hey鈥檙e simply inquisitive. They care. They don鈥檛 realize the ramifications of what they鈥檙e saying.鈥�
Instead, Farley suggests setting aside any insatiable curiosity and taking what he called a 鈥減regnant鈥� pause: less questioning and talking; more listening.
鈥淲atch your phrasing and simply be a good listener and be compassionate,鈥� he said.
For those who are on the journey, know what you鈥檙e comfortable sharing, Farley said. Removing the stigma is important, yes. But if you are comfortable with being open today, that might not necessarily be the case tomorrow, especially when it comes to social media.
鈥淭here are so many uphill battles that you鈥檙e going to be facing, you don鈥檛 want to be broadcasting it to some people who perhaps you met once at a party and are not even in your close circle of friends,鈥� he said.
Syrtash agreed. 鈥淭hese are intensely personal decisions, and it鈥檚 really up to you to create those boundaries,鈥� she said.
But don鈥檛 draw those boundaries too closely: A support system is essential for each partner, Syrtash said. Whether it鈥檚 a clergy member, therapist, or close friends or relatives, it鈥檚 important to have someone to confide in.
That鈥檚 because, the journey deeply impacts people. It is 鈥渁s much a relationship issue as a medical one,鈥� she said. 鈥淚t affects relationships in the deepest way.鈥�
And despite the stigma associated with infertility, it鈥檚 important to realize how prevalent infertility really is, she said.
鈥淵ou are not alone,鈥� Syrtash said.
