The holidays are a time of joy, giving, family and friends. They can also be a time of stress, sadness and loneliness 鈥� all compounded by a pandemic stretching into its second year.
鈥淭he holidays are so romanticized and I think that really can make people feel isolated and lonely 鈥� that things should be a particular way, or I should feel a particular way, and then spending time to try to create that ideal, which sometimes just isn鈥檛 feasible,鈥� said , an assistant professor in the Department of Psychiatry at the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine.
Many put undue pressure on themselves by setting unrealistic expectations during the holidays 鈥� pressure that has been exacerbated by COVID-19.
鈥淭here鈥檚, broadly speaking, so much grief associated with the past couple of years,” Gould said. 鈥淎nd it鈥檚 of course related to the loss of loved ones, but also there鈥檚 financial losses and the loss of the way things were 鈥� getting together with family that may not be feasible during this time of year. And then, on top of that, the anxiety of gatherings and how do we keep everyone safe with this kind of ever-evolving, unpredictable and uncertain nature of COVID?鈥�
Gould said one way to cope with the uncertainty is to simply acknowledge that 鈥渋t鈥檚 OK not to be OK. It鈥檚 OK to hold both of those feelings: Of feeling happy about something, but also really sad and a sense of grief.鈥�
Another coping mechanism is to see the silver lining and use the pandemic to experiment and create new traditions.
Reaching out while realizing others aren鈥檛 having a picture-perfect holiday either, is also key.
鈥淵ou see these images of people and feel like, 鈥榃ell, everyone is experiencing the holidays in a particular way, and it鈥檚 just me. I鈥檓 the only one who has the blues, or the depression or anxiety.鈥� And, you know, I promise that whatever you鈥檙e experiencing, you鈥檙e not alone,鈥� Gould said.
鈥淪o that鈥檚 why it becomes important to share your experiences with others, in whatever way you鈥檇 like. With a next-door neighbor, with a phone call to a friend, with a support group 鈥� 聽whatever it may be 鈥� because then you can develop that sense of connection, even when you feel so disconnected,鈥� she said.
Gould recommends looking inward and taking care of yourself.
鈥淚t鈥檚 interesting because the times we need to practice that the most, such as during the holidays when we鈥檙e most stressed 鈥� we tend to practice the self-care tools the least. The time we really need to focus on our well being, we tend to kind of push it to the side and just plow through,鈥� she said.
Instead, Gould recommends basic, but important measures such as getting enough sleep and at least some form of physical activity.
Other tips experts recommend include:
- Eating a healthy snack before holiday meals;
- Limiting alcohol and tobacco use;
- Limiting time spent looking at social media or reading the news;
- Creating a holiday budget and sticking to it;
- Deep-breathing and other mindfulness exercises;
- Carving out alone time for yourself, even if it鈥檚 just 15 minutes a day.
Give yourself a mental break as well.
鈥淛ust think about what鈥檚 in your control,鈥� Gould said. 鈥淪o many things aren鈥檛 in our control, but there are still things that are. We can consider focusing on those.鈥�
As for things out of your control, 鈥渃onsider simplifying some of those.鈥�
But in a region known for Type A personalities, letting go, or learning to say no is easier said than done.
Gould acknowledged that control issues can be a problem, so start small.
鈥淵ou don鈥檛 have to let go of everything. But, is there one thing you鈥檇 be willing to let somebody else do this year?
鈥淚 use the example of baking one less pie, or buying some food or gifts, as opposed to making them,鈥� Gould said. 鈥淏ut it鈥檚 hard. I think we like tradition 鈥� and we can get stuck in that. But I think it鈥檚 stepping back and just asking yourself what matters to me most and focusing on those things. And, [for] the things that matter less, being flexible on and asking for help.鈥�
Gould has similar advice for daunting New Year鈥檚 resolutions: Keep them small so you don鈥檛 set yourself up for failure.
Instead of pledging to lose 20 pounds, start with exercising once a week and gradually increase that number.
鈥淭hose types of changes can be sustainable,鈥� Gould said. 鈥淚t鈥檚 kind of unrealistic to wake up and essentially do things completely differently, for most of us.鈥�
But if your mood isn鈥檛 improving by the new year, it may be time to consider that what you鈥檙e experiencing goes deeper than the holiday blues.
Gould said clear signs of clinical depression include consistent loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed, and changes in sleep, appetite and energy.
鈥淭he key distinction is that the depression causes some impairment in one鈥檚 life,鈥� she said. 鈥淪o, for example, you might miss work 鈥� or you鈥檙e feeling so down that you have trouble getting out of bed, or you don鈥檛 want to engage with anybody.鈥�
Gould stressed that 鈥渢here鈥檚 no right or wrong way to feel. Just honor your feelings. And, if you notice your feelings are really interfering with your quality of life, then there is mental health care out there and it鈥檚 important to reach out.鈥�
