WASHINGTON 鈥� couples has difficulty getting pregnant.
That is a statistic knows all too well. The relationship expert and author has been struggling with infertility for seven years, during which she has seen eight doctors for a total of 18 treatments.
鈥淚 call myself an ovary achiever,鈥� Syrtash joked.
Making light of a heavy topic has helped Syrtash navigate the often isolating and painful path of infertility. After realizing that a little bit of humor and nonclinical content could help others, too, she launched , an online magazine that tackles the topic from a real perspective.
鈥淭o me, making it accessible, making this conversation not scary, not clinical all the time, is part of my mission to break the taboo of infertility,鈥� Syrtash said.
A common issue Syrtash discusses on the site is how infertility impacts relationships.
鈥淚t stresses relationships in the biggest way,鈥� she said.
鈥淚t affects your friendships, your work relationships, your family, your community, the relationship you have with your partner and with yourself.鈥�
If you have a friend or family member who is among the 7.4 million women to receive fertility treatments, Syrtash has some tips on how to best offer support during a stressful time.
Banish the words ‘should’ and ‘just’
Syrtash鈥檚 first rule when it comes to supporting a friend experiencing infertility is to nix the words 鈥渟hould鈥� and 鈥渏ust鈥� from your vocabulary.
鈥淲hen you say words like should and just 鈥� 鈥淵ou should just adopt,鈥� or 鈥淵ou should just get a surrogate鈥� 鈥� you鈥檙e unintentionally casting blame on the person that may have this physical disease. And you鈥檙e saying you鈥檙e not doing enough,鈥� she explained.
Don鈥檛 offer advice
Another major no-no is lending advice 鈥� no matter how helpful you believe it is.
鈥淚f someone鈥檚 been through infertility, especially for years, anything you鈥檝e thought of, they鈥檝e thought of 10 times over, so it鈥檚 not a new idea,鈥� Syrtash said.
The best thing you can do is listen.
鈥淎sk questions and listen,鈥� she said.
Be transparent
Syrtash often gets asked if friends going through IVF or other fertility treatments should be left off the invite list for events such as baby showers and children鈥檚 birthday parties. Syrtash understands the good intention of not wanting to inflict pain on a friend, but said being left out can be even more hurtful.
鈥淚 think it鈥檚 really good to just be transparent. When you鈥檙e close to someone, you can say, quite transparently, 鈥業 want to support you. What鈥檚 the best way I can be there for you?鈥� And let someone answer that question,鈥� Syrtash said.
Your friend may want to take a sabbatical from regular hangouts, and that鈥檚 OK. Syrtash said a little self-care and some R & R from the social scene can be a good thing.
Experiencing infertility? Find support outside of your relationship
It may sound strange, but Syrtash recommends couples who are going through infertility find support outside of their relationship. Confiding in a friend or family member who is not so emotionally, physically and financially affected is the way to go.
鈥淚t鈥檚 really important to share, as much as you鈥檙e comfortable with, share with close connections what you鈥檙e going through so that you have support, because so many people feel like they鈥檙e going to burden someone,鈥� Syrtash said.
