Andrea Syrtash was 14 when she first learned she might have trouble having children.
But she never would have guessed that short exchange in the doctor鈥檚 office would lead her on a physically, emotionally and financially draining seven-year journey that amounted to 18 fertility treatments and nearly $100,000.
鈥淚 knew it might take time [to have a baby] because I was told that, but no one ever mentioned it again,鈥� said Syrtash, who is a based in Brooklyn, New York.
鈥淚t鈥檚 just not something we talk about very much.鈥�
These days, Syrtash is talking about infertility 鈥� and on a number of platforms. In 2017, she started the online lifestyle magazine , which helps singles, couples and LGBT folks navigate infertility with 鈥渃redible, not clinical鈥� content. This summer, she鈥檚 launching a to share the stories behind the not so linear paths to parenthood. And on May 16, she鈥檒l be one of 250 advocates, led by the national infertility association , that storm Capitol Hill to advocate for better family policies, including expanded access to fertility treatments.
Syrtash finally met her daughter four and a half months ago, but her fight to bring awareness to infertility is far from over. Here are five things she wants everyone to know about infertility:
Infertility is a medical issue, not a lifestyle issue
The World Health Organization , which affects , as a 鈥渄isease of the reproductive system.鈥� But in society, Syrtash said it鈥檚 not always viewed that way.
鈥淎 lot of times when you鈥檙e going through fertility challenges, people will assume it鈥檚 a lifestyle issue and give you advice like, 鈥榡ust relax;鈥� 鈥榡ust think positively.鈥� But if you have a whole range of issues 鈥� fibroid tumors, polycystic ovary syndrome, male-factor infertility, blocked tubes 鈥� I mean, these are medical issues that may need some intervention,鈥� she said.
And downplaying a clinical diagnosis can have damaging effects.
鈥淭he shame that goes with not being able to easily conceive or carry a pregnancy is real,鈥� Syrtash said.
鈥淵ou just assume when you鈥檙e younger 鈥� if you want to have kids 鈥� that it will happen when you鈥檙e ready, that it鈥檚 a natural part of being a woman or a man and we have the reproductive organs and it will work. And I think that there鈥檚 a lot of shame when it doesn鈥檛.鈥�
Infertility isn鈥檛 just a woman鈥檚 issue
Both men and women can have problems that cause infertility. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, one-third of fertility issues are due to the man, and one-third are due to the woman. The other third of cases are a mix or are unexplainable.
鈥淪o we have to do a better job of showing that this is not just 鈥� a woman鈥檚 issue, it鈥檚 not just a heterosexual issue. LGBT [individuals and couples] are obviously building families,鈥� Syrtash said.
鈥淭his affects so many people, and we need to start telling that story and being more diverse in the way we present it.鈥�
Treatment is really expensive
Like many medical therapies, fertility treatments are expensive 鈥� and they aren鈥檛 always covered by insurance. Some employers offer benefits, and to either offer or cover some level of treatment. However, the Affordable Care Act does not require coverage for infertility treatments.
Syrtash said even with insurance, costs add up quickly 鈥� making many interventions impossible for the financially disadvantaged.
鈥淚VF, on average, can cost easily $15,000 to $20,000, and when you are freezing embryos there are additional costs of storage. If you鈥檙e genetically testing your embryos, that鈥檚 another cost 鈥� So even when it鈥檚 subsidized, it鈥檚 expensive,鈥� Syrtash said.
And some treatments are simply out of reach. A few states, including , ban paid surrogacy contracts, limiting options for those who physically can鈥檛 carry a child to term.
“This is the other side of reproductive rights聽鈥� protecting those of us who need help to build our families through fertility treatments, through adoption 鈥� we just need help,” Syrtash said.聽
Infertility is a relationship issue
In addition to being a medical issue, Syrtash said infertility is also a relationship issue.
鈥淚t affects relationships in the deepest way,鈥� she said.
鈥淚 don鈥檛 know anybody who has gone through fertility treatments or years of infertility who hasn鈥檛 had a hard time occasionally at a baby shower or in the grocery store with tons of kids around.鈥�
Syrtash recommends that those struggling with infertility arm themselves with a few 鈥渟ound bites鈥� they can use when asked provoking questions like, 鈥淲hen are you going to have kids?鈥�
The one she often used was, 鈥淚 promise I will let you know if there鈥檚 any news.鈥� This short response helped her to avoid an emotional unraveling every time she was triggered.
鈥淎nd then you just change the topic like a good politician,鈥� she said.
And her advice for friends and family of someone struggling with infertility? Avoid the words 鈥渏ust鈥� and 鈥渟hould鈥� at all costs.
鈥淲hen you鈥檙e struggling to build a family, people will say, 鈥榃hy don鈥檛 you just adopt?鈥� 鈥榃hy don鈥檛 you just get a surrogate?鈥� 鈥榃hy don鈥檛 you just relax? 鈥榊ou should do this; you should do that,鈥欌�� Syrtash said.
鈥淵our well-intentioned advice actually really stings because you鈥檙e unintentionally casting blame on a person with a medical issue.鈥�
Educate yourself
Most people don鈥檛 educate themselves on fertility until they are faced with challenges, but in Syrtash鈥檚 opinion, why wait?
鈥淚t鈥檚 really empowering to know what鈥檚 happening in our bodies. It doesn鈥檛 mean that we have to come from a place of fear,鈥� she said.
鈥淚f you want to be a parent, maybe be a bit proactive and figure out what鈥檚 happening in your body.鈥�
