It鈥檚 a topic that parents and others are talking a lot about lately on social media. Do you have children who are mostly 鈥渓iving room鈥� or 鈥渂edroom鈥� kids?
It鈥檚 not a topic that鈥檚 just about a child鈥檚 safety, but it focuses a lot on family dynamics, culture, age and personality. All are key issues as your child grows from toddler to teenager to young adult.
The thinking goes that so-called 鈥渓iving room kids鈥� generally spend more of their time in the home鈥檚 shared spaces, primarily with their siblings and parents.
A 鈥渂edroom kid鈥� is more likely to spend more time in the privacy of their bedroom.
The terms are not clinically accepted or established by the behavioral science community, but they鈥檙e getting a lot of attention.
Children鈥檚 National Hospital clinical psychologist Dr. Lilia Mucka Andrew says it all comes down to a family鈥檚 dynamics and it鈥檚 not a black or white comparison.
鈥淭here is no such thing as a kid who is only a ‘living room kid’ or only a ‘bedroom kid.’ Kids are complex human beings,鈥� she explained. 鈥淓ach of those can have value and that you鈥檙e there to support your kids and think through and talk through what they need to feel safe.鈥�
Andrew said social media posts and podcasts can amplify a topic 鈥� and influencers can push it further up the chain of conversation.
鈥淚t can happen really quickly. I think social media is going to be most interesting when there’s a topic that is kind of salient, that means something to families and to kids, and this is such an important topic,鈥� she said.
Age and maturity are the primary factors in your child’s behavior, and that dynamic can change over hours or days, depending on the child鈥檚 mood and what鈥檚 going on in the home.
鈥淭here are times when they want to be connected and in the space together with their families, and times when they want to be on their own,鈥� Andrew said. 鈥淪ometimes they want to feel connected, and they want to feel that it鈥檚 safe to do that in a shared space.”
Andrew added that the most important thing for parents to do is to make their children feel safe, no matter if the child leans toward being a “living room child” or a “bedroom child.”
鈥淎s a caregiver, you want to provide your kids with safety, and you want to make sure ‘are my kids comfortable? Are they comfortable being with me? Are they comfortable being on their own?’ It’s so easy as a caregiver to worry about what that means,鈥� she added.
Andrew believes it’s not a bad thing for children to want more privacy and spend more time in their bedrooms, but it鈥檚 likely a change that will take place gradually. She and others in the psychology field do believe it could be a warning sign something is going on in a child鈥檚 life 鈥� if one day they鈥檙e a 鈥渓iving room鈥� kid and suddenly they become a 鈥渂edroom鈥� kid.
鈥淪ometimes they might want 鈥� to be able to sit with their thoughts or sit with their emotions or take a little space for themselves,鈥� she said. 鈥淎s a caregiver, you can 鈥� share kind of all the range of emotions and thoughts that they may be experiencing.鈥�
But, in most cases, she said it鈥檚 a normal sign and another indication your child is maturing into an adult.
鈥淚 think you see the natural shift for teenagers, that they will spend a little bit more time in their room or be spending a little bit more time with their social circles or with their peers. And I think that’s a really normal process,鈥� Andrew said.
鈥淚t can be kind of scary sometimes, as a parent, when you’re used to your kids being around with you or spending a lot of time and suddenly, they’re pulled away.鈥�
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