Marie Lansley recently started a new job in a new city while searching for a new partner. In her dating pursuits, the freshly minted San Franciscan said she鈥檚 been 鈥渢rying everything鈥濃�� including some help from .
AI chatbots have become 鈥� for her and many others 鈥� de facto dating coaches and relationship experts.
Lansley, 36, consults AI chatbots for help in starting conversations, something she said she finds difficult on dating apps despite being comfortable doing so in person. Although she鈥檚 optimistic about the possibilities, she acknowledges the incongruency between the art of romance and the precision of technology.
鈥淚 am open to AI finding me the love of my life, but I鈥檓 also not fully convinced that it can,鈥� Lansley said. 鈥淎I is great at making dating more efficient. But the chemistry 鈥� that鈥檚 always going to be analog.鈥�
AI adopters have been using the tech in varied ways to find romance. Some patronize AI matchmaking services. Others use AI tools to help build their dating profiles. But the most common way is enlisting chatbots to draft messages to potential matches and interpret messages they receive.
Lansley goes back and forth between OpenAI鈥檚 ChatGPT and Anthropic鈥檚 Claude. Others turn to Elon Musk and X鈥檚 Grok, Google鈥檚 Gemini and other chatbots. Dating apps and AI companies are leaning into it. and have posted content on TikTok showcasing their chatbots’ customized, personality-laden relationship advice.
鈥淐laude is the new Cyrano,鈥� said dating coach Carey Gaynes, referencing the 19th century French play 鈥淐yrano de Bergerac鈥� in which the titular character is the brains behind another man鈥檚 romantic words.
鈥淵ou鈥檙e using a voice that isn鈥檛 yours.鈥�
Gaynes said she has heard of daters of all ages turning to the technology, both from her client base and her following on her YouTube channel, Coffee with Carey. She sees how it could be useful in dating, but like many others, she worries about overreliance.
Like the platitude used to describe many a modern dating arrangement, it鈥檚 complicated when it comes to people鈥檚 feelings about AI鈥檚 role in romance. There鈥檚 a range of excitement, resistance and skepticism.
AI is writing icebreakers, offering advice and matchmaking
Lansley said she has been startled by how chatbots can appear to display emotional intelligence.
When doing an onboarding call with the AI matchmaker on the app Known, she said the questions the bot asked went 鈥渙ne or two levels deeper鈥� than traditional dating app questions and it seemed to be striving for empathy.
It doesn鈥檛 necessarily lead to better results 鈥� her first match was not a perfect fit.
Mason Naung, a 25-year-old student in Los Angeles, said he doesn鈥檛 use chatbots for message ideas, but could see the benefit of it for 鈥渋cebreakers鈥� during the early back-and-forth with someone.
鈥淚鈥檝e been on Hinge on and off for a year or two, and sometimes I kind of struggle to think about what the opening line should be like with this girl, right?鈥� he said. But if the AI-written messages go beyond those initial exchanges, that would be a 鈥渟mall red flag鈥� in his mind.
Just as chatbots can help start conversations, they also can help end things. Dani Cohen, a 27-year-old business owner in San Diego, said she would much rather be sent an AI-written farewell message by someone she鈥檚 been on a few dates with than be 鈥済hosted,鈥� or cut off without a word.
鈥淥bviously, in a perfect world, everyone knows exactly what they want to say and how to say it in the kindest way possible and they do that. That鈥檚 not the world we live in,鈥� she said. 鈥淎nything to get people to communicate, and to communicate their thoughts kindly and effectively, is great.鈥�
Skepticism persists on 鈥榦utsourcing鈥� love life
Several people who spoke with The Associated Press, including those who have turned to AI for dating help, expressed reservations about using the technology to help with deeply personal aspects of their life. Many adopters said they had a line they wouldn鈥檛 cross when it would be inappropriate to use AI for dating.
Others couldn鈥檛 dream of turning to a chatbot for help with their love life at all.
Clara Sullivan, a 22-year-old student in Los Angeles, said she would not reply to a potential partner if she knew they were sending her AI-written messages.
鈥淚 think it鈥檚 really scary how reliant people are on it,鈥� Sullivan said. 鈥淚t鈥檚 completely gotten rid of people鈥檚 ability to think creatively and on their own.”
Many feel the same way. A 2025 survey from the Pew Research Center found 53% of U.S. adults say AI will worsen people鈥檚 ability to think creatively. Half of those polled said they feel AI will worsen people鈥檚 ability to form meaningful relationships.
Still, the marriage of AI with the highly lucrative dating industry was likely inescapable. Many dating apps have been integrating AI into their platforms for years.
Tinder has an AI-powered feature called Chemistry that suggests profiles tailored to a user鈥檚 interests. Hinge has AI-powered conversation starters and feedback tools to help build users鈥� profiles and make interactions smooth.
The founder of the app Bumble recently said the platform will soon ditch the well-known swipe feature, instead pivoting toward AI-driven matchmaking. After facing some backlash to the decision, Bumble CEO and founder Whitney Wolfe Herd wrote in a statement that said what they’re building 鈥渋s rooted in a simple belief: technology should make love and connection feel more human, not less.”
Some see tradeoffs to AI’s role in romance
Mohammed Nizami, 23, said he turns to AI for some things in his life, but not his dating pursuits.
鈥淲e鈥檙e all craving for some degree of authentic connection. Certainly with your partner, you want that,鈥� he said. 鈥淚f there鈥檚 some filter or barrier between you and your partner or potential partner, I think that鈥檚 just not a great way to start a relationship.鈥�
Nizami said chatbots may not even provide the best guidance. The , he said, might be 鈥済ood for your own mental comfort鈥� but does not necessarily lead to the soundest advice.
AI is likely going to play a growing role in modern dating life, despite the hesitations.
鈥淚t鈥檚 kind of a sad commentary on the state of the world. Dating is supposed to be one of the things that cannot be replaced, right?鈥� said Jake Clay, a 30-year-old content creator in New York City. 鈥淚t鈥檚 kind of sad to think that something so pivotal to your life journey is being outsourced to an AI who can鈥檛 understand the emotions around it.鈥�
Clay did say he鈥檚 been receiving fewer texts from friends asking him to decode a message from potential partners, as they now turn to chatbots.
Clay wryly said he appreciates AI 鈥渓ifting the load鈥� there but also called the situation a 鈥淐atch-22鈥� since it鈥檚 鈥渃ircumventing some of the normal processes in life that I feel like should be a little bit more sacred.鈥�
Copyright © 2026 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, written or redistributed.
