The proliferation of smartphones and social media has provided more avenues for online predators to target children. 草莓传媒 examines the problem in the series, 鈥�Preventing Online Predators.鈥� Read part one.听
WASHINGTON 鈥� It may be the last thing any parent wants to learn about their child.
鈥淪omething had told me to 鈥� check my daughter鈥檚 phone,鈥� said Frank Smith, a Northern Virginia father, who spoke to 草莓传媒 this summer. (That鈥檚 not his real name. 草莓传媒 agreed to change his family鈥檚 name to protect the identity of their daughter.)
鈥淚 saw these text messages that alluded to this older guy liking my daughter, and references to pictures … 鈥楥an I kiss you?鈥� and things of that nature,鈥� he said. 鈥淚 was enraged.鈥�
And, it turns out, the messages Frank saw that night only hinted at the years of manipulative sexting between his daughter 鈥� who was just 11 when the relationship first started 鈥� and an older teen boy who attended the same dance studio. It was an inappropriate online relationship that eventually culminated in an inappropriate sexual one.
By the time Frank stumbled across those disturbing messages on his daughter鈥檚 smartphone, the teen preying on his daughter had become an instructor at the dance studio 鈥� and was using his position there to target even younger girls, police said.
When the 19-year-old was arrested last year and charged with several sex offenses, police seized all of his electronic devices. 鈥淭here were so many other pictures of kids they couldn鈥檛 identify,鈥� Ann Smith said police told her.
As authorities piece together digital evidence trails left by predators, it can prompt wrenching conversations between parents and their children. As part of the series 鈥淧reventing Online Predators,鈥� 草莓传媒 spoke with the Smith family to share their harrowing experiences in hopes that they can help other families protect their children.
‘These kids are not growing up the way we grew up’
The Smiths thought they were being vigilant.
鈥淲e still checked in on her texts,鈥� Ann said. 鈥淏ut there鈥檚 a backchannel 鈥� you know, there are so many different ways that this guy was able to communicate with her that we were not as savvy on.鈥�
Frank added, 鈥淭hese kids are not growing up the way we grew up.鈥�
Though authorities urge parents to stay engaged in their children鈥檚 digital lives, that can be difficult in practice.
鈥淚t鈥檚 a delicate dance,鈥� Frank conceded. 鈥淚t鈥檚 a delicate balance between saying, 鈥業鈥檓 going to check your phone,鈥� and, 鈥榊ou don鈥檛 trust me.鈥� And, at some point, you鈥檙e going to have to take that stance as a parent. You may not capture anything, but at the same time, at least that鈥檚 one mechanism for the child to say, 鈥楲ook, I better be careful what I鈥檓 saying or what I鈥檓 doing.鈥欌��
Lt. Jane Burns, who supervises Fairfax County Police Department’s child exploitation and human trafficking unit, said there鈥檚 no such thing as being too nosy when it comes to the electronic devices your children use.
鈥淢ake that the norm for you to go through their phones,鈥� she said.
鈥淪o, it鈥檚 not just one day, all of a sudden, you catch them doing something and now you don鈥檛 trust them. But if you start that from the beginning where you鈥檙e looking through their phone and it鈥檚 not unusual for you to look through their phone, that鈥檚 a good start,鈥� Burns said.
Nothing good happens in the middle of the night on a cellphone
Police suggested keeping track of all the passwords needed to get into phones, computers and social media accounts.
When it comes to social media, Burns said parents should make a firm rule about not communicating with strangers and require accounts to be set to private, which means your child can only receive messages from their friends.
When it comes to devices, especially smartphones, there are lots of ways for a child to go behind a parent鈥檚 back if they are not extremely diligent.
鈥淭here鈥檚 apps you can get that may look like a calculator or are disguised as anything, and they鈥檙e photo vaults or other means to communicate,鈥� Burns said.
Both Apple and Android smartphones have introduced enhanced parental controls in recent years with programs, such as Apple鈥檚 Family Sharing and Google鈥檚 Family Link program. Both programs allow parents to control even the standard apps that come with every smartphone, and also give them the option to approve any new apps their kids download. Parents can also use those apps to set up restrictions on screen time.
A detective who works in the Fairfax County unit, who frequently goes undercover online to track predators, has his own advice for parents.
鈥淎 lot of these problems are happening when the parents are asleep,鈥� he said, recommending parents keep smartphones locked up or in their rooms during the nighttime hours.
鈥淭here鈥檚 just nothing good that can come in the middle of the night on a cellphone,鈥� the detective said. (Read more about how detectives go undercover to track predators).
‘We just need the truth’
The alternative to difficult conversations with your child about staying safe online may be even more wrenching conversations with police.
It鈥檚 a process that usually starts with uncomfortable, even embarrassing conversations between police and the child victim. Police will also speak in great detail with the child鈥檚 parents. And it requires exactly the kind of sensitivity that online predators don鈥檛 afford children.
鈥淥ur goal is to make sure they鈥檙e OK, and that鈥檚 what we tell every kid,鈥� said the detective. Given the sensitive nature of his undercover work, 草莓传媒 agreed not to identify him. 鈥淲e鈥檙e not sitting here trying to judge them; we鈥檙e not going to think they鈥檙e terrible people. We just need the truth.鈥�
Last month, Prince George鈥檚 County State鈥檚 Attorney Angela Alsobrooks acknowledged the difficulty of getting victims to speak up after the sentencing of a former substitute teacher and youth basketball coach who used his proximity to children to sexually abuse dozens of young boys.
鈥淚t鈥檚 not unusual for victims to feel uncomfortable, to feel ashamed, to feel humiliated,鈥� said Alsobrooks last month shortly after 35-year-old Christopher Speights was sentenced to 35 years in prison. 鈥淭o come forward and say that, 鈥業鈥檝e been victimized, that I have been injured,鈥� is not easy to do.鈥�
It can consume a person鈥檚 life and devastate families.
鈥榃e don鈥檛 know how long she鈥檒l carry this鈥�
The police would end up telling the Smiths that their daughter鈥檚 case was a textbook example of predatory manipulation.
But, at first, she blamed herself for the abuse.
It took meetings with the Fairfax County Victim鈥檚 Advocate Office at the start of the legal process to open their daughter鈥檚 eyes about the extent of the manipulation, the Smiths said.
鈥淭hey helped educate her to give her insight that this is what a predator does, this is what a predator looks like, behaves like, and I think she began to connect the dots,鈥� Frank said.
There have been struggles.
鈥淭his impacts every area of your life,鈥� Frank said. 鈥淔rom the child, to the child鈥檚 homework and self-esteem, and to the parents and the household and the extended family.鈥�
The Smiths credited the social services that were made available, professional counseling and their own religious faith in helping guide them through the ordeal.
鈥淎t the end of the day, we don鈥檛 know 鈥� when things will be totally right, or if they will ever be right,鈥� Frank said. 鈥淲e pray and we hope that, at some point, this will all be behind my daughter and she will go on to live the life the good Lord intended her to have … We don鈥檛 know how long she鈥檒l carry this. Some of these things have lasting consequences.鈥�
