WASHINGTON —聽With the end of the quarter right around the corner, kids are stressed preparing for exams and final assignments, and parents could be making it worse.聽
Ann Dolin, founder of and author of 鈥�,鈥� offers advice on finding the balance between helping too much and not helping enough.
The former public school teacher advises parents to take it slow.
鈥淚nstead of trying to tackle everything at once, take an issue at a time,鈥� Dolin says.
Parents have three options when their child is stuck on a problem.
鈥淵ou can say, 鈥楬ere鈥檚 how you do it honey, solve this,鈥� or you can say, 鈥楾his is your homework not mine, I already went to fifth grade.鈥欌�� The third option is when you ask, 鈥淚s there an example in your book or is there a similar problem in your notes?鈥�
Dolin says the third choice is always the best approach: 鈥淚t works with just about any problem your child faces.鈥�
Don鈥檛 micromanage
Don鈥檛 become helicopter parents by trying to micromanage your child鈥檚 homework. It won鈥檛 help you or your child.
鈥淚f you say, 鈥楾his is how you do it,鈥� your child will inevitably say, 鈥榃ell that鈥檚 not how Mrs. Brown told us to do it,鈥欌�� Dolin says. On the contrary, 鈥淚f you say, 鈥楾his is your homework not mine,鈥� your child might feel dejected and could give up without really persevering.鈥�
Instead, Dolin says to encourage your child to seek out examples. This encouragement will foster resilience in the future when he or she gets stuck on homework.
So how much should you be involved?
鈥淲hen kids are young, first, second, third grade, they鈥檙e just going to need more hand-holding because they don鈥檛 yet have the fortitude to start and finish homework without some adult guidance,” Dolin says. “But by fourth grade or so, a good rule of thumb is to help your child get started, and then to walk away and let him or her know that you鈥檒l be in the other room if help is needed.”
Set boundaries
Although you want your child to be independent with their homework, you also don鈥檛 want them to be distracted. Setting appropriate boundaries will help accomplish this.
Dolin uses the term “Super Bowl kids” to describe children who toil with an assignment for hours when it should take less than an hour. She attributes this extra time to technological distractions.
鈥淵ou always know when you walk by your child and all of a sudden, whoop, the screen is minimized very quickly into the corner,鈥� she says.
One way to prevent distractions is to place the computer in a public place, that way you can monitor what your child is doing.
Dolin also suggests using a timer and setting it for 10-20 minutes at a time.
鈥淭hey [kids] often do far better in short bursts of time than long, drawn out periods of time,鈥� she says.聽鈥淪etting a start time in terms of when homework should actually start — which is usually before dinner — is always a very positive first step.”
Focus on the process
Similar to how life is a journey, not a destination, Dolin says it鈥檚 important to focus on the process over the product.
鈥淪o often, we want A’s, we want B’s and we鈥檙e focusing more on grades, and you really need to take a step back and think, 鈥極kay, what does my child need to get there?鈥欌��
