WASHINGTON 鈥� The Don and Betty Draper days of parenting are over.
Now more than ever, raising a child has become a tag-team effort in households across the country. In two-thirds of American families, both parents work, meaning more men are helping out with tasks traditionally reserved for women, such as household chores and child care.
In fact, since 1965, fathers have tripled the time they spend with their children, and 57 percent of fathers say parenting is extremely important to their identity, .
In 2012, 2 million dads stayed home full-time to care for their children 鈥� a number that went up 4 percent from 1989 and continues to rise.
Chris Pegula has witnessed the evolution of fatherhood, firsthand. As a dad of three, the oldest of which is 18, Pegula has seen the image of the involved father become normalized 鈥� even celebrated 鈥� in modern society.
鈥淭oday, I see so many Instagram accounts of just dads and their kids, and just really enjoying the experience. It鈥檚 a really positive and exciting thing to watch,鈥� said Pegula, who started , a men鈥檚 diaper bag line, more than a decade ago.
In 2014, Pegula published a guy鈥檚 guide to pregnancy, 鈥�.鈥� Now, he鈥檚 out with his second book, 鈥�,鈥� to help prepare new fathers for a hands-on adventure into family life.
Ahead of Father鈥檚 Day, Pegula shared some insights and advice for new and soon-to-be modern dads.
From the very beginning, get involved as much as possible
Not only will your partner thank you, but Pegula says you鈥檒l also enjoy the early days of parenthood more if you step up your involvement from the beginning.
鈥淭hat can be from going to the doctor visits, so that they鈥檙e learning about the experience that their partner鈥檚 going through, right up to tag-teaming once the baby is born and comes home with diaper changes, bottle feedings, bonding with your child. It really helps for you to stay grounded, connected and a part of the process, which is a bit challenging for men since so much happens physically, mentally, emotionally to women from pregnancy on,鈥� Pegula said.
Being active and present in the first few months also helps to keep those common fears and anxieties that all new parents experience under control.
鈥淜nowledge is power, and you really give yourself that gift of knowledge when you become involved,鈥� he added.
Don鈥檛 neglect your relationship
When you bring a newborn into your life, priorities shift, making it easy to neglect your relationship. But Pegula warns that can easily spiral out of control and cause a great amount of damage. His best piece of advice is to go into parenthood with a strong foundation.
鈥淭here鈥檚 going to be times where you feel you鈥檙e not connected to your partner because of the stresses and strains of parenting. And if you can reconnect and have that strong base, it will be easier to be on the same page and feel supported, as opposed to that distance building,鈥� he said.
It鈥檚 also important to be attentive to your partner during the first few months, since the mother鈥檚 focus is mostly on the baby. When your partner is feeding the baby, make her a plate of snacks 鈥� chances are, she hasn鈥檛 taken the time to eat. Encourage new moms to rest when the baby is sleeping or to take a relaxing shower.
鈥淭alk to your partner, ask what they need,鈥� Pegula said.
Your social life won鈥檛 be the same, but that鈥檚 not a bad thing
Chances are, you won鈥檛 be meeting the guys out for a drink three times a week after work or spending your weekends playing in daylong softball tournaments. And Pegula says, it鈥檚 likely your group of friends will change, but that鈥檚 not a bad thing.
Close friends will always be there, other friends might come back at a later point in life and you鈥檒l make new friends with other parents who are going through the same thing as you.
鈥淚t鈥檚 not to say misery loves company, but when you鈥檙e struggling through certain times, it鈥檚 always nice to have friends and families that are experiencing the same thing you are so you can identify and relate on the same level,鈥� Pegula said.
That said, it鈥檚 important for parents to maintain individual friendships outside of the relationship.
It鈥檚 the most rewarding job
It鈥檚 true what everyone says: time flies. So Pegula says to enjoy every minute 鈥� even the not-so-good ones.
鈥淎s difficult as it seems in the beginning, like it鈥檚 never going to end, I think being able to reflect and look back and just get that hug 鈥� even at 18 years old, my son coming and saying, 鈥業 love you dad鈥� 鈥� it really warms my heart,鈥� Pegula said.
鈥淎nd there鈥檚 no job in the world that can replace that feeling.鈥�
