In my psychology practice, I am almost always seeing at least one child or teen who has decided to try out a restrictive diet, or one that limits what they can eat. Vegetarian, vegan, gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free or very high protein or low-carb diets are the most common.
Kids share different reasons for choosing these diets. Some do it for medical reasons — though sometimes it’s based on what they’ve read online, and not necessarily supported by sound science. Teens may feel peer pressure to follow restrictive diets . Or it may be about supporting a cause, like animal rights. For some, food restriction is a passing fad, but for others it can become a way of life.
Parents, very often, become alarmed or upset when a child adopts a restrictive diet, or one that is unusual for the family. They don’t understand, or they disagree with their child’s position, worry that the child will not eat a full range of nutrients, and may also feel resentful that the diet requires special food shopping and cooking. It’s not unusual for parents and kids to begin arguing over this issue. That’s especially true if the child asserts his or her eating choices in a militant or inflexible manner, or the parent is unwilling to compromise at all.
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When a parent is faced with this struggle, it can be very helpful to understand it from a developmental perspective. It is normal for children, and especially teens, to seek ways to express their independence from mom or dad. The “ is the most well recognized form of this.
Choosing a radical diet, especially one that’s also endorsed by peers, can be another iteration of teen rebellion, and should be treated in the same way. As long as the behavior isn’t dangerous, it’s better to express curiosity rather than being heavy-handed in trying to shut down a new dietary approach.
In many cases, when parents demonstrate interest and support of the child generally (even while being understandably circumspect about a new eating pattern), the child no longer feels the need to rebel in this way and the diet fades rather quickly. Shop for food and cook meals together, discuss your child’s beliefs in an open manner and, if necessary, gently educate them about the medical value of their eating choices, recognizing that they still may not agree with you.
It’s sometimes helpful to see a health professional to ensure a child is eating a nutritionally balanced diet, which is usually surprisingly easy to do. If you do have any concerns that the diet may be unhealthy or overly restrictive, it may be a good idea to suggest talking with a , a registered dietitian or both.
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If you’re worried that your child is being nutritionally deprived, or that your child may be at risk for developing an eating disorder, don’t wait to take action. A particular red flag for disordered eating, or irregular eating patterns that raise one’s risk, is when a child or teen begins by eliminating one food group, then eliminates others and also gradually reduces overall calorie intake. If this is observed, it’s critical to seek professional help immediately, since without appropriate intervention, disordered eating can quickly become an .
Another reason, developmentally, for children to explore different types of diets is that they have begun thinking about their own core value and belief systems. It can be difficult for a parent when a child develops values different from the parent’s own. Similarly, a parent may struggle with a child’s decision to be vegan or vegetarian if the parent is neither.
However, if the child continues to eat in a way that reflects their beliefs, it’s possible that this will be maintained as the child grows into an adult. When a parent observes a child’s eating habits to be the result of a core value, fighting the child is much more likely to cause division.
It is, therefore, important for parents to remember that raising a child in no way guarantees that he or she will share all your values. In fact, when kids grow up to feel confident enough to form their own beliefs, it means parents have done a great job raising them to feel secure, self-reflective and comfortable in their choices.
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Ultimately, ensuring a close relationship with one’s maturing and grown child is always about patience, understanding and compromise. And that’s especially clear when it comes to choices around food and eating. Just as when you were first with your child, and — some which they most certainly didn’t like — this is an area where there will always be some disagreement. But that doesn’t mean you can’t all come to the table and enjoy meals together.
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