Ann Dolin is the founder of and the author of 鈥淕etting Past Procrastination: How to Get Your Kids Organized, Focused and Motivated 鈥� Without Being the Bad Guy.鈥�
This year, far more than any other year, communication and organization are really important. Kids are anxious about their return to school, especially after almost a year and a half of online learning, and so are parents. By practicing effective communication, we can reduce kids鈥� fears and ours, as well. Here are four tips to help you make this school year successful:
1. Set up a time to talk
It鈥檚 natural for kids to feel nervous at the start of a school year, but this year they may also have fears about COVID, returning to school in-person five days a week, or be worried about a subject that was especially challenging in the virtual classroom (hello math!).
It鈥檚 important to give space and time to allow them to open up about their fears. Set up a time to talk before school starts. Schedule an 鈥渁ppointment.”
You might say “Hey, can we talk about school stuff after dinner tonight? How about 7:30?”
Here are some questions to ask:
鈥淗ow are you feeling about the start of school?鈥�
鈥淲hat do you think will be different?鈥�
鈥淗ow do you think others are feeling?鈥� This question is especially helpful because children don鈥檛 often realize that others have the same exact worries. Realizing they鈥檙e not alone can help to normalize feelings.
When your child expresses a fear, be careful not to discount it by saying, 鈥淒on鈥檛 worry! It鈥檚 going to be fine,鈥� or 鈥淲orrying doesn鈥檛 help at all. Just do your best and it will be OK.鈥�
By discounting kids鈥� fears, we negate their concerns. Instead, use this time to be a good listener and to empathize. You can do this by saying 鈥淚 can understand your feelings鈥�,” nodding and allowing your child to share openly.
2. Have a weekly ‘Sunday session’
Set up a casual weekly meeting with your kids.
I like Sundays around dinner time (or even over a meal) since it allows everyone to think about the week ahead without distractions. Planning is really hard for most kiddos, especially those with weak executive function skills (a fancy word for study habits).
During this time, you鈥檙e going to chat about the upcoming week. For elementary schoolers you might talk about what鈥檚 going on after school. Perhaps you have a calendar on the fridge with their extracurriculars (which is a great idea because younger kids need visuals). By talking through the schedule, you鈥檒l be on the same page as your kids and help them learn the importance of planning in advance.
For older students, you can go a little more in depth. Talk about the weekly schedule, but also share what you have going on so they can anticipate travel schedules and transportation needs for extracurriculars, like sports practice. You and your child will value these conversations because it reduces the last-minute stress of a situation when someone forgets about a dance practice or violin lesson.
You can also use this time to think ahead about academics.
Here are some examples of questions you can ask to get your child thinking about their assignments:
鈥淲hat do you have coming up this week?鈥�
鈥淲hat tests, quizzes or projects are due?鈥�
Setting aside time for kids to open their laptops and see what鈥檚 on their calendar is extremely helpful. Without this verbal prompt, many will just show up to school on Monday unprepared, which is not a good way to start the week!
When you ask your kids about their schoolwork, don鈥檛 expect a detailed explanation like this one, 鈥淲ell, gee Mom, let me see. I鈥檝e got a biology test on Friday, an English essay due on Thursday, and oh! I can鈥檛 forget that I have to present my group project in history on Wednesday 鈥︹��
Some of the best sessions I鈥檝e had with kids involves their own self-discovery where I鈥檝e said something like:
鈥淭ell me what you have going on this week. What does your week look like?鈥�
Then I see it click in their mind as they think about various classes and ultimately say, 鈥淥h shoot, I need to order ‘Catcher in the Rye’ on Amazon. I totally forgot I have to read chapter one by Friday.鈥� Or 鈥淯gh 鈥� I can鈥檛 believe I have two tests on Friday. That鈥檚 so unfair!鈥�
Sure, the timing of two tests on Friday isn鈥檛 ideal, but without having time set aside to look at the week at a glance, it鈥檚 unlikely this student would have thought ahead to study over a few nights instead of cramming the night before. So the exchange doesn鈥檛 have to require lots of talking, just a bit of prompting.
During your Sunday Session, do your best to not use judgmental questions or tones.
And if you鈥檝e said some of these things, don鈥檛 worry. We鈥檝e all been there. But try to avoid 鈥渏udgment鈥� statements such as:
鈥淲hy didn鈥檛 you start that history project yet?鈥�
鈥淥MG! I鈥檓 so sick of you procrastinating!鈥�
鈥淵ou said you already had the supplies for that project, and now you鈥檙e asking me to take you to Michael鈥檚 at the last minute?鈥�
The time needs to be a 鈥渘o judgment zone鈥� in order for it to work. Otherwise, kids will tune parents out in two seconds flat.
Our job isn鈥檛 to micromanage our kids.
I鈥檝e never found micromanagement to be a successful strategy as a parent or educator. No one likes to be told what to do, especially kids! But what does work is asking kids questions out of curiosity and listening well.
This is easier said than done, so if you鈥檇 like a bit of help in this department, I highly recommend the classic book, “.” There鈥檚 a reason this book has been a New York Times bestseller and is beloved by parents around the world!
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- More Back-to-School 草莓传媒
3. Consider the Clean Sweep
Let鈥檚 talk about organization! The real trick to help kids stay neat is to set up a recurring system. I call this one 鈥淭he Clean Sweep.鈥� It鈥檚 a weekly appointment to get organized. It can be set up on Sunday evenings either in place of the Sunday Session or in addition to it. Ideally, it鈥檚 at the beginning of the week, so Monday may work well, too.
Here鈥檚 how to do it:
Choose a time, say 7 鈥� 7:20 p.m., and everyone in your family gets involved. Everyone 鈥� not just your disorganized kid 鈥� is straightening up their materials and getting organized for the week.
It could be that your kids are organizing their binders and getting their papers in order while you clean out your purse or perhaps organize the junk drawer.
Given that Fairfax County Public Schools has , it鈥檚 also an excellent time to ask your child to show you how work is assigned and housed in the new system.
It doesn鈥檛 really matter what the task is, but the idea is to have that standing appointment to maintain neatness on a weekly basis. And to make it light, crank up your child鈥檚 favorite music. Kids are more likely to participate if the session is not arduous, but is easy and productive instead.
4. Use a ‘Launchpad’ to make mornings easier
The Sunday Session and Clean Sweep are great ways to get ready for the week ahead, and a Launchpad can help you get ready for the next day.
School mornings can be rushed and stressful, especially after a year of mostly virtual learning. You can eliminate the stress by setting up a 鈥渓aunchpad鈥� by your front door (or by the door from which your child exits each morning) before the school year begins. This can be a basket, box, even an old dish pan! Really any container that can hold the items that need to go to school the next day (think backpacks, lunchboxes, sports gear 鈥�)
Cue your kids to get everything in the launchpad the night before to ensure your morning is organized and stress-free! This will allow the entire family to launch into each day confident, prepared, and ready for success.
The evening is also an ideal time for kids to lay out the clothes they鈥檙e going to wear the next day or to begin packing their lunches. The key is to get the things that cause stress in the morning taken care of the night before.
Back to school is typically a stressful time for families until they settle into a routine. Nothing has been routine the past year, so now, more than ever, it鈥檚 important to practice communicating effectively with our kids and implement activities that create good habits. By demonstrating patience and a willingness to listen, we can help them achieve all they鈥檙e capable of academically and beyond.
