Dear Washington Redskins,
I know it鈥檚 been a while since last we talked so I wanted to give us both some closure. I can鈥檛 see you anymore. This relationship has felt one-sided from the beginning and I just don鈥檛 have it in me to continue to pour another minute into this.
It鈥檚 hard for me to say after nearly three decades. Things were great in the beginning. I was a young kid learning about football and you were at the end of an outstanding run of four Super Bowl appearances in 12 years.
Long after the honeymoon phase ended, you鈥檇 put on that sexy burgundy and gold I fell in love with all those years ago and seduce me into giving you the same attention I did when you were actually trying. That鈥檚 not going to work anymore, 鈥楽kins.
Red and navy now have my affection, thanks to feel-good, well-earned championships from the Nationals, Mystics and Capitals rooted in something real. Now, when I see your white jerseys and burgundy pants, all I see is what I, and the D.C. area, lost.聽It鈥檚 a cruel reminder of how far we鈥檝e fallen out of love and how hurtful this relationship has been for the vast majority of its existence.
I see you鈥檝e been trying the last couple weeks. A hard-fought home victory, followed by a stunning road upset for your first win in Carolina since 1998. Good for you.
But I know it鈥檚 fool鈥檚 gold. You鈥檝e had good moments before and it鈥檚 . It鈥檚 almost as self-destructive as your insistence on maintaining that toxic relationship with Bruce Allen.聽What does he have that I don鈥檛?
You know what? Don鈥檛 answer that. I don鈥檛 need to know.
In fact, screw it. I鈥檒l say it. I鈥檝e been seeing someone else.
It鈥檚 nothing serious, but I鈥檝e been kickin鈥� it with the Baltimore Ravens on Sundays. I鈥檝e never really paid them much mind even though they鈥檙e right up the street, but Lamar Jackson has really changed the way I see them.
Before you judge me, it鈥檚 not just some shallow attraction. Although, those all black uniforms are really badass, and my god, that man can move.
Plus, he鈥檚 just a good dude. Kind, competitive, culturally significant and wow, is he great at what he does. He doesn鈥檛 hurt me like you do. He makes me smile. And whoop, and holler, and care about football again. I haven鈥檛 felt this alive in years. He’s met all my friends and they’re totally smitten with him too.
Ravens game ratings in DC 鈥�> 9.5
Redskins game ratings in DC 鈥�> 5.3
This is a major, major problem for Ashburn. Major.鈥� JP Finlay (@JPFinlayNBCS)
Yes, I know I said that about my ex. And I know Lamar hangs out with — and seems just like — Robert Griffin III. But the difference between RG3 and Lamar is that Lamar knows how to slide and avoid contact.聽He鈥檚 humble and team-oriented. Considering Russell Wilson plays a similar style and hasn鈥檛 missed a game in his eight-year career, and Tom Brady and Peyton Manning have each missed an entire season of their careers from injuries suffered in the pocket, I don鈥檛 believe in the notion that Lamar鈥檚 job is too dangerous. He鈥檒l be just fine.
Don鈥檛 even form your lips to say he鈥檚 just a runner. Yes, he鈥檚 got four 100-yard rushing games, already the 聽for a quarterback. But his 109.6 QB rating is also fourth-best in the league and he鈥檚 only the second player to record a perfect 158.3 rating in multiple games in a season. He鈥檚 a lot of fun, but he’s also a great provider.
Perhaps most importantly, the Ravens organization knows what it鈥檚 doing. They draft well, have an established identity, and treat their fans better than you do. It also doesn鈥檛 hurt that their name conflates with defensive prowess, not an offensive slur.
Like I said, it鈥檚 nothing serious. We鈥檙e just spending time together and seeing where it goes. The Ravens are now 聽and, well, who doesn鈥檛 want to take their talents to South Beach in the dead of winter?
Did I mention Lamar is from down there? Hell, I might even get to meet his family.
But I don鈥檛 want to get too far ahead of myself. The point of all this is to say I can鈥檛 keep getting worked up every time you act the fool and tell me it鈥檚 a part of your 鈥渄amn good鈥� culture. I don鈥檛 care anymore. If you want to keep winning, screw up your draft position and trick Dan Snyder into bringing Bruce back, then go ahead.聽I just won鈥檛 be around to deal with it.
I hope you find what you鈥檙e looking for. I really do. We鈥檒l always have , and . Maybe if you get to a good place like back then and I鈥檓 available, things could be different in the future. But all things come to an end. And we鈥檝e reached ours.
Sincerely,
Rob
